Friday, July 30, 2010

The Best Laid Plans...

Princes Street Gardens, 2008

It's sort of scary when you start to form a concrete "plan." I have to put the word "plan" in quotes because I know very well that I could try to plan everything down to the wire and yet something could topple the whole scheme completely. I tend to work better in open and organic circumstances. It's a lot more fun and custom fit too…to follow our unique roads and marvel at the scenery as it passes by. To watch our dream destinations get closer and closer.

It's also scary when you share said "plan" with others. In one way it's liberating and awesome because  it's out there but in another it's open to criticism, nay-sayers, and folks who might be upset by or threatened by it. I have also had unfortunate experiences over these past (almost) 32 years when trusting others with my dreams. I began to feel very protective so I wouldn't be "stripped" for ideas or swallowed up by "grabby" energy, feeling betrayed in the end. That's when a person starts to hoard their dreams and ideas and they begin to feel smothered. Not a good feeling.

I admit these are very candid thoughts. I started to resent feeling like I had to squirrel away my dreams for fear that someone else might try to usurp them. I completely understand that it's usually in a subconscious way that stems from low self esteem, but still...

I've recently started to share again (slowly) with lovely people who I feel safe with. It's all been a very big part of my regrouping...because sharing is what I want to do.

So…back to the "plan" :)

I am still in the midst of saving money and paying down debt. I feel that has been the story for a while now, although lots of other yummy stuff has been simmering in the background.

I am doing well on the debt front. I've managed to consolidate the credit card woes down to one…so I just have that and my student loan outstanding. I've also been putting money into my savings account and (for the most part) not touching it…even for my Apprenticeship. Though at times the balance still feels light years away from where I want/need it to be...

I want to finish my Apprenticeship (which will be another year after this November). I'm learning so many amazing things about myself there that I know it's integral to my future. By then my savings and debt should be under even better control!

***

I get quotes everyday via e-mail and these are ringing very true to me right now:

"The buffer of time gives you the opportunity to get it right before it manifests, to take pleasure from the vision and from the molding it into place... Can you imagine if everything was manifesting instantly? You would manifest this, and then you would manifest it away. And then you'd manifest that, and then... It would be a difficult thing if you were instantly manifesting every whim or every misaligned thought. It's so much better that you have this buffer of time where you can feel it into perfection before it manifests into your experience."
--- Abraham 

Excerpted from the [Abraham Hicks] workshop in Ashland, OR on Tuesday, May 16th, 2000 #514


"Flaming enthusiasm, backed up by horse sense and persistence, is the quality that most frequently makes for success."

-Dale Carnegie


***

And now we come to the Scottish part of my plan.  I won't put that plan in quotes because it will be. The "how's" are the only thing in question. I think I'll  refer to it as "Project Thistle"  :)

I've started making a list of all the things I think I want to do out there. So far I have:
  • A writing workshop or retreat (or both) in the Highlands
  • A cooking class on the Isle of Skye
  • Gaelic course on Skye
  • Working in exchange for lodging with a friend on Skye
  • Experience week in Findhorn
  • Volunteering in various places (Iona, replant trees in Highlands, etc)
  • Classes at The University of Edinburgh
  • Lion's Share week(s) with friends in Edinburgh (and other places)
  • Woof it?
The list keeps growing and I welcome more ideas…collaborations? I figure I can start researching the costs and put together a proposal for a grant. Whether it be an educational or artist grant, I'm not sure. And I'd have to research visas...etc.  I will, of course document the whole experience here :)

More aspects of the "plan" are to expand my blog and hopefully start creating income with it. I have been given a few good ideas from friends (including an e-book of my recipes and selling my photos). I want to start budgeting my time accordingly so I can move forward! It's as if I'm living a double life at times. The commuting into the city every day for office-work Lee Ann and the Earth Mama, cook, writer, photographer, all around creative being Lee Ann. The latter hasn't been given enough space and time to grow lately.

Happily I do feel as if the dam is breaking (in a good way). My good friend Sara is embarking on a new phase in her life and I feel like it is another one of those happy/sad catalysts. I will miss seeing her in the office every day but I know it's the beginning of a shift.

One by one the winds change and blow us in the directions we are meant to go.

XO

4 comments:

me said...

YAY for you!! And when you go to Scotland, shouldn't you take your own personal (Scottish) nurse (essa) with you ?!?!?!
;-)))

I see all these wonderful thing manifesting in your life ~~~

The Lion's Share said...

Sure! LOL. Well I do want to get a group together for some "Lion's Share" action over there...

ABCcreativity said...

LOVE it

pink said...

Late to the party, but I wanted to say that I deeply identify with what you said about living a double life. I even gave the real me her own separate FaceBook profile.