It's the Same Old Me...

Yes, that's me! The one on the right...

I've had a Harry Potter movie quote sloshing around in my head for over a week:

"It is not how you are alike. It is how you are different that matters."

I was actually thinking about this in terms of being too much like someone I can't stand...but what if I turn it back on myself?  In my apprenticeship, a few of us were discussing how we were afraid we might be slipping back into some old habits that we didn't want.

But what if those are simply qualities that we will always embody and should learn to love and or tweak into something better?  Because in all fairness, I don't think I can ever get rid of some of my traits but I am certainly more aware of them now. I can reign them in when I need to or at least acknowledge them when the time is right. Maybe they aren't as negative as I deem them to be? Maybe being "the same" is okay.

***

Last week I wrote about what came easy for my Creative Dreaming workshop...and this week I'm going to look at what has stayed the same throughout all my changes so far.

One thing I've begun to notice is that as I have been changing, and realizing I'm different...the way some people in my life treat me has remained the same, which is difficult and smothering at times and very uncomfortable.  It can make me feel un-seen...

In my Senior yearbook, I put down "unnecessary  noise" as one of my pet peeves...and that certainly hasn't changed...in fact, lately it's been coming back full force here in the city. (Noise, noise everywhere...and not a chance to think...)

But those are negatives...though negatives that might help me find my way.

Some positive things that have stayed with me through the years and my changes?

I still love Paul McCartney and The Beatles.  That will always be part of the fabric that makes up my life.

I will always love Indiana Jones, Star Wars, Pride and Prejudice, Dr. Quinn, Sense and Sensibility, Anne of Green Gables, True Blood and now...Dr. Who!  Not necessarily in that order.

I also admit that I will always love The Outlander Saga, Jane Austen, The Sookie Stackhouse novels, Twilight, and assorted romance novels...I'm a girl, after all.

Through all the difficult stuff, I've always managed to hang onto my sense of humor and hope...even when I don't feel too hopeful, it always seems to seep back into things sooner or later.

I will always love Broadway musicals and be a huge Terrence Mann fan!!! I think Broadway was the biggest reason I moved to New York in the first place...

Laughter is one of the best things on Earth

I will always be a Dog person :)

Since I stepped off that bus in Edinburgh in 2004, my love for Scotland hasn't changed...but gotten deeper.

I have remained a creative being.  Whether I'm cooking, knitting, decoupaging, singing, photographing or writing...

I will always know how to play the violin and will always keep Myrtle in the family.

I have always been loyal (possibly to my detriment at times) and continue to be so...but now I have boundaries and know that there are times when I have to remove myself from some people's lives.  So I'm loyal to myself first.

I have always had the (sometimes annoying) knack of seeing situations from both sides. This can get very difficult because  at times it causes me to feel as if I don't have the right to voice my anger or concerns...like in the case of my noisy upstairs neighbor (I flew off the handle and tapped on the ceiling a couple times and then felt like an idiot because he's just walking around in his apartment!) It certainly does reinforce that the collective noise in this city is killing me and I can't wait to leave.  So yay for that!

I used to love attention as a kid...putting on shows in the living room, and then I got very shy due to some mean kids at school...and now I've sort of come back around.  I'll admit, I like being paid attention to (but not in a creepy way).  However, I'm a bit quieter about it now.  No more tutus and singing...although part of me would love to be in some sort of musical group again (maybe a show choir a la Glee???)  :D


I suppose to sum it all up...I'm still me, just less afraid to show it.

XO

Easy Does It

Eilean Donan Castle, 2004

Last week's Creative Dreaming assignment was to look at our journey so far and see what came easy.

We always hear about artist's suffering for their work and passions...no pain, no gain, right?

This doesn't always have to be true.

When I started on this journey I remember asking that the process be joyful because I couldn't handle the changes coming in a cataclysmic, traumatic way.  I've had enough trauma over the years and I'm sure I'll have more in my life...so PLEASE let the course to my dreams be exciting and happy.

Has it been so far?  I'd say, mostly yes.  There has also been a lot of hard work and some unhappiness along the way.  I've begun to feel grateful for the unhappiness though, because I've started to realize that it's another tool to help me leverage my way into the dream.

So, back to what came easy.

Nothing that came easy came without work...let me say that right up front.  All the work that I've been doing on myself...the love I'm cultivating for my passion, for Scotland.  That has all been (joyous) work...but when I've stepped back and rested between the work, wonderful things have come to me.

*Writing this blog is (wonderful) work and it has yielded new friends in Edinburgh, a place to stay the next time I'm in town, and direction for my dreams...just by writing about my passions and thoughts. It even brought me the opportunity to profess my love to Edinburgh...

*Someone suggested I try a Reiki treatment 4 years ago, and I quickly found a place around the corner from my apartment.  That led me to research other alternative therapies and to eventually be attuned to give treatments myself. I discovered that there was a whole other world out there for me...

*My herbal path was laid out in front of me when I got an e-mail for a course called "The Art of Herbal Medicine Making," and a little voice inside me prodded me to take it...which led to "Herbal Alternatives to Antibiotics," which led to a workshop and weed walks...and now two years into a wonderful apprenticeship...

*The herbal medicine led me to cook more...

*Having leftover yarn prompted me to pick up the needles again...

*A gift of the Outlander books led me to want to check out Scotland because it sounded pretty...

*A fun, crazy, road trip around the UK in 2004...turned into something deeper than I could have ever planned...

*My love for Scotland, and a little voice telling me I needed to be there for my 30th birthday, led me to a retreat week in Forres where I had the idea for this blog...

*A magazine my Mother left on my bed led me to Iona and the "Matter Matters" week a year later...

*An e-mail newsletter about "Pilgrimage for Change" is leading me back...


Other things have been coming to me as well...possible and actual extra income, help with my website, new ideas for my dream business, new friends, opportunities, and so much support from the dearest people! The unsolicited outpouring of love never fails to touch and surprise me. I appreciate it more than I could ever express...and accepting it gets easier every day.

XO

No "Musts" No Fuss

  Taken from my vision board, still in progress...

"Musts" can come in so many different forms...

A while back I decided to stop living my life according to "musts" and "shoulds." I believe that up until that point I'd listened to what others thought or what I thought they thought...and that had shaped who I was (or wasn't).

It's pretty ridiculous to base your identity on assumptions...and try to mold yourself into someone who others approve of.  It's draining and exhausting and you can end up somewhere you don't belong.

Breaking out of that was very difficult and painful at times.  It caused me to really step back and look at who I was and what I wanted. At first I felt as if I had cheated and lied to myself for years...building my life around fears and other people's expectations of who and what I was.

I had to shed a lot of tears and excess baggage...and unfortunately some relationships. But I believe that I am finally on the right track. I'm carving out a road that I feel belongs to me and is mostly a joy to travel down.  There is the odd speed bump or scary bend...but it's exciting nonetheless.

This past week I've been exploring all the "musts" and "shoulds" that can come from various places in regards to my goals and dreams. I had my comfort edge pushed a little farther, got defensive...and then got real.  I finished off the week with a wonderful creative coaching session and have come back into alignment with my journey. I know I need to move forward and make things happen, but the decisions are mine and right for me. I also learned that there could be other ways I achieve my dreams...I want to be open to all possibilities.

Now, this attitude is starting to make its way into my daily life...these are mostly the "musts" of having to have a perfectly clean house or having a daily yoga practice...etc. So I'll let the odd dish go unwashed or not do laundry one day in favor of relaxing. I'm trying not to compare myself or my home with anyone else's.  I'm doing what's best for my sanity :)

No more should've, would've, could've!

XO

Some Wednesday Inspiration

Simple Things 
by Paolo Nutini

If you love the life you live
Then you'll get a lot more done
Be more inclined to take the reins
Than turn away and run
it's very rare it seems to get a lifetime guarantee,
So I suppose self satisfaction be the key
My father is a wealthy, self made man
But his wealth does not consist of
riches or acres of land
Instead he has a family who are
His biggest fans
that's something that I one day hope to have
So I'll cherish the simple things
The easy took for granted things
Like going round my Mum's house for my tea
And argue with my sister,
Only God knows how I missed her
it's the simple things that mean the most to me

Argh, he gets up each day at five
Starts the car and makes the drive
Shutters up, starts the fryers
Serves out food to all the buyers in the town
As they stand there in the same old line
Get there every day at the same old time
No, you never hear him grumble and groan
Cause they're the people in the
line that he built it on
And like me he cherished the simple things
The easy took for granted things
Like going round his Mum's house for my tea
And argue with his sister,
Only God knows how he missed her
it's the simple things tha mean the most to... him


XO

Rummaging Through My Toolbox...

Creative Dreaming had us look at the tools we've been using to follow our dreams. "Are we using a knife to scoop salsa instead of a spoon?"

I discovered that I have been putting the focus on all the "wrong" things lately…which is contributing to unhappiness. Not good.

I have been focusing on money…the lack of it and where it needs to go when it comes in. I've been focusing more on the work that doesn't bring me joy because it's been bringing me money…in hopes that I can pay off my debt and save money so I can pursue joy later.

Wrong….Wrong…WRONG!!!

Thankfully I was recently reminded of all the positive tools I have accumulated over the years. What delicious timing!

SARK!
I participated in a free tele-workshop last Wednesday and what a gift!!! I almost hung up when I found out we were going to have to participate…but stayed on the line and was rewarded by "meeting" two wonderful women who provided the exact words I needed to hear at that very moment.  I used to visit the SARK forum all the time but now mostly visit just for gratitude lists (which are important!) and to post blog links.  I've met some wonderful people on this forum though and I really want to get a little more involved again. One of the things SARK said that really resonated was that we have to build a bridge from where we are to where we want to be. I guess that's what I'm trying to do these days. After the call I decided to revisit the first SARK book I ever read, "Succulent Wild Woman."  A very good idea. Hell, I could write a whole post about SARK's influence on me!  Maybe I will :)

Nature
I have a park nearby but rarely go because I don't want to walk through chaos to get to the quiet…not sure how to work on this one. I suppose that's a metaphor for my life right now. "Walking Through Chaos to Get to the Quiet." I have requested some outdoors time when I go to CT for my birthday this weekend. I want to visit a farm and maybe do a nature walk...or do the Niantic boardwalk followed by a nice black and tan at The Black Sheep!

Reiki
I used to get treatments on a regular basis and then became attuned to give treatments. I used to practice more...but have let that slide as well.

Emotions
I had gotten really in tune with my emotions and having the "good cries."

Yoga
One upon a time I did a little yoga every morning  

Dance
I used to take tango lessons and do a belly dancing workout at home at least 3 times a week.

Singing/Music
Singing along to my iPod while I cook or get ready really sets me up for the day.  

Travel
Oh, how I would love to get out of town (preferably to you know where!) It always gives me a fresh perspective and opens my heart up.  So, since funds won't allow me to be in my favorite place right now...I have been asking about some local retreat spots...and my friends have been coming through with suggestions! 

And Speaking of Friends...
I'd forgotten what incredible tools my friends are! Wait…that didn't come out right…LOL. My friends provide inspiration, support and ideas that I never would have come up with on my own. I've been very hermit-like lately and feeling as if I need to go everything alone. Then I had a delightful dinner with my friend, Kim and a wonderful e-mail with my friend, Heidi…and then my herbal apprenticeship on the weekend where we strolled through the most amazingly peaceful place called "Pacem in Terris" and had a lovely picnic beneath the trees…and just today I was reading about my friend Christina's travels.  VERY inspiring :)

I suppose my task, now, is how to re-implement all these tools. I've let some slide, such as Reiki, acupuncture, dance or yoga classes, travel, and any kind of therapy/counseling due to the cost! My funds are still the cause of angst…as well as having to come into the city every day for work. I really don't enjoy the city anymore…even my neighborhood in Queens. I think I'd be able to enjoy my space more if I didn't have to go into the city every day…but that's going to take a lot of baby-stepping to figure out.

I want to start putting together Lion's Share gatherings this fall. All with different themes, such as knitting or dream-boarding…and of course there will always be yummy food!

I came up with a Lion's Share motto a few weeks ago...seems like another good tool to use:

Live
Love
Learn

XO

Dream Boogie with SARK!

Big news!  Best-selling author and artist SARK (aka Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy) has just announced a new session of Dream Boogie with SARK, starting Wednesday September 22.  If you sign up by August 15, you save $20 with the "Early Dreamer Discount", and you also get a bonus jump-start workbook called "SARK's Purple Dream Crayon: A Playbook for Naming Your Dream"

SARK has been teaching workshops all around the world for over 25 years, and now you can work with her directly in this a dream productivity program that is packed with inspiration and innovation to help you move from dreaming to DOing.

You can enjoy some fun, free "Dream Boogie" samples, including interview audio snippets, plus colorful SARK videos, workbook downloads, and other funky little goodies for your dream.




*SARK has been an amazing inspiration to me over the years and I've met so many wonderful people because of her. I'm delighted to be able to spread the word about her and her wonder-full programs!

Plans for "Becoming..."

I neglected to mention another part of my dream/plan.  It's to write a book.  This will take a while since it's going to be a memoir of sorts.  About my journey of "Becoming."

I've been writing since I was in elementary school.  Taking various creative writing classes and baffling my college friends by electively taking "Poetry" and "Greek Mythology."

When I was a freshman in college, I went through a bit a depression.  It's to be expected, I think, when going through a major upheaval for the first time.  I had moved to New York City from small town CT and after a rather good first semester found myself dealing with my closest new friend not returning to school and a bi-polar roommate who had semi moved out but still had keys to the room. As a result  I began to question my choice to move to New York and study Ad Design…you name it, I questioned it.

I also retreated into my poetry journal.  I took it everywhere I went and wrote some super dark poems.  When I read them now I almost can't believe I'm the same person!  All those poems are definitely part of the tapestry of my life. I know, now, that I can access darkness…as well as light.  They can both be gorgeous.

One particularly bad evening I called my Sister and asked her if I could come over. My Brother happened to be there and they were ordering Chinese.  Sounded good to me.  At the end of the meal we all reached for our fortunes and I got the one pictured above.  At that moment everything went calm and crystal clear.  I was where I  needed to be (here, in New York) because, well…that's where I was.  I pasted the fortune into my journal and kept writing.  That was February 1, 1997.

 The poem seems appropriate...

For a while I just thought that it was a crazy thing…I even stopped writing for a long time. When I started this blog the book idea came back into focus, and now it has a foundation!  Woohoo!

So I'll keep you all posted!  My travel plans are going to figure into the book quite heavily, so onwards and upwards!!!

XO

The Best Laid Plans...

Princes Street Gardens, 2008

It's sort of scary when you start to form a concrete "plan." I have to put the word "plan" in quotes because I know very well that I could try to plan everything down to the wire and yet something could topple the whole scheme completely. I tend to work better in open and organic circumstances. It's a lot more fun and custom fit too…to follow our unique roads and marvel at the scenery as it passes by. To watch our dream destinations get closer and closer.

It's also scary when you share said "plan" with others. In one way it's liberating and awesome because  it's out there but in another it's open to criticism, nay-sayers, and folks who might be upset by or threatened by it. I have also had unfortunate experiences over these past (almost) 32 years when trusting others with my dreams. I began to feel very protective so I wouldn't be "stripped" for ideas or swallowed up by "grabby" energy, feeling betrayed in the end. That's when a person starts to hoard their dreams and ideas and they begin to feel smothered. Not a good feeling.

I admit these are very candid thoughts. I started to resent feeling like I had to squirrel away my dreams for fear that someone else might try to usurp them. I completely understand that it's usually in a subconscious way that stems from low self esteem, but still...

I've recently started to share again (slowly) with lovely people who I feel safe with. It's all been a very big part of my regrouping...because sharing is what I want to do.

So…back to the "plan" :)

I am still in the midst of saving money and paying down debt. I feel that has been the story for a while now, although lots of other yummy stuff has been simmering in the background.

I am doing well on the debt front. I've managed to consolidate the credit card woes down to one…so I just have that and my student loan outstanding. I've also been putting money into my savings account and (for the most part) not touching it…even for my Apprenticeship. Though at times the balance still feels light years away from where I want/need it to be...

I want to finish my Apprenticeship (which will be another year after this November). I'm learning so many amazing things about myself there that I know it's integral to my future. By then my savings and debt should be under even better control!

***

I get quotes everyday via e-mail and these are ringing very true to me right now:

"The buffer of time gives you the opportunity to get it right before it manifests, to take pleasure from the vision and from the molding it into place... Can you imagine if everything was manifesting instantly? You would manifest this, and then you would manifest it away. And then you'd manifest that, and then... It would be a difficult thing if you were instantly manifesting every whim or every misaligned thought. It's so much better that you have this buffer of time where you can feel it into perfection before it manifests into your experience."
--- Abraham 

Excerpted from the [Abraham Hicks] workshop in Ashland, OR on Tuesday, May 16th, 2000 #514


"Flaming enthusiasm, backed up by horse sense and persistence, is the quality that most frequently makes for success."

-Dale Carnegie

***

And now we come to the Scottish part of my plan.  I won't put that plan in quotes because it will be. The "how's" are the only thing in question. I think I'll  refer to it as "Project Thistle"  :)

I've started making a list of all the things I think I want to do out there. So far I have:

• A writing workshop or retreat (or both) in the Highlands
• A cooking class on the Isle of Skye
• Gaelic course on Skye
• Working in exchange for lodging with a friend on Skye
• Experience week in Findhorn
• Volunteering in various places (Iona, replant trees in Highlands, etc)
• Classes at The University of Edinburgh
• Lion's Share week(s) with friends in Edinburgh (and other places)
• Woof it?

The list keeps growing and I welcome more ideas…collaborations? I figure I can start researching the costs and put together a proposal for a grant. Whether it be an educational or artist grant, I'm not sure. And I'd have to research visas...etc.  I will, of course document the whole experience here :)

More aspects of the "plan" are to expand my blog and hopefully start creating income with it. I have been given a few good ideas from friends (including an e-book of my recipes and selling my photos). I want to start budgeting my time accordingly so I can move forward! It's as if I'm living a double life at times. The commuting into the city every day for office-work Lee Ann and the Earth Mama, cook, writer, photographer, all around creative being Lee Ann. The latter hasn't been given enough space and time to grow lately.

Happily I do feel as if the dam is breaking (in a good way). My good friend Sara is embarking on a new phase in her life and I feel like it is another one of those happy/sad catalysts. I will miss seeing her in the office every day but I know it's the beginning of a shift.

One by one the winds change and blow us in the directions we are meant to go.

XO

Trust: Things Are Happening...

Bryant Park

Trust was last week's focus.  Trusting that though we may not see progress...things are happening underneath.  I'm "establishing my root system."

I thought a lot about how hard it is to trust...to have faith when seemingly "nothing" is happening.  I've had issues with this.  BIG ISSUES.

This time around though, I feel as if I've turned a corner. I'm loving how calming/quieting down my energy over the past months has helped me see more clearly and experiences have been flowing to me in a manner I can handle and be joyous within.  Even the darker experiences. I have found joy and inspiration within some of the saddest situations, which is amazing to me!

I try to sit in the quiet, motionless, moments and listen.  Sometimes all I hear is my heartbeat or the wind in the trees...sometimes I hear a voice that assures me I'm still "in the works..."

And that's OK.

There's a gentleness to it...a calm energy that feels good because it feels like me.

Don't get me wrong...I have my moments of frustration and impatience. I wouldn't be me without the odd question of, "Where am I going!!?" "How am I going to get there!!?

But I've been planting seeds and I do feel as if things are happening.  Every little risk, every heart to heart, every blog, every new dish I cook...gets me closer.


XO

P.S. One of my little risks has yielded me a printed piece in TV Guide Magazine!  I wrote about my love of Dr. Who for our "Guilty Pleasures" issue.  Check it out!

I Believe In Myself, I Believe In My Dreams...

 Cloud gazing in Bryant Park

I believe in myself, I believe in my dreams...

This was the mantra we were working with this past week in Creative Dreaming...and I'll admit, I sort of forgot until the end of the week. It's amazing how we can shy away from firmly committing to ourselves sometimes. Sometimes it can be scary when our dreams start to come true.

When our June Apprenticeship day came on Saturday...it all came back to me.  We even meditated on embracing our whole selves.  The good and the "bad."  Acknowledging and loving ourselves...welcoming all of our parts.

Words my teacher spoke last year resurfaced as well: "If it's not enjoyable, it's not sustainable."

SO TRUE

When I stop and think about my life and the richness that it's held up to this point, I don't think of the time I've spent behind a desk. I think of running down the street during a June hail storm in Florence, drinking tea across from the Tower Bridge in London, tarot cards on the patio in St.Thomas, making my Dad laugh at the dinner table, getting off the bus in Edinburgh for the first time, feeding Hamish the Highland cow, "swimming" on Iona, Guinness and laughter in Dublin, hugging my nephews, hearing the earth squish beneath my boots and the wind whistling past my ears, feeling the rain fall on my face, smelling the grass and trees...

I've recently made a promise to myself. Now that it's warm outside, I will try to go to Bryant Park every day...even for just 15 minutes.  Get out of the "office" air, take my shoes off and stand on the grass, read...or just lie there.  It's saved my sanity...and my back.

 My upside-down view of 6th avenue...

 Kicking back with "The Princess Bride"

Getting outside this week hasn't been as easy and I feel the difference. I tried to compensate by walking a different way home, alongside the park, on Monday and was rewarded by a slew of Sassafras trees!  Seeing those delightfully cartoonish leaves made me smile instantly, lifting my spirits.

What does all this have to do with believing in myself and my dreams?  Well...it means I'm going to continue to live life in an enjoyable and sustainable way...and I believe it will all take me to wonderful places. Making lovely memories every day.

XO

Weekend Warrior

Fishies and Chips

This week's "assignment" was to take a risk. I spent all week trying to figure out what risk and couldn't think of anything!  I realize, now, that I think of a risk as something big and dramatic...like dropping everything and moving away.  Just a random example ;)

I have been taking little risks for a while now.  Such as asking questions, speaking my mind, and establishing healthy boundaries.  I'm still working at voicing my needs and asking for help.  I'm a little gun-shy still with that.

Some more risk has been involved with purging my apartment because I've been a bit of a hoarder for years...sentimental and craft-related. I'm sure a lot of you can relate.

I read an article about de-cluttering and it mentioned clearing off all surfaces; putting everything in a box to go through when you have time. This is exactly what I did! The result was a clear computer and coffee table.

I was really productive!  I worked on and off all day Saturday and treated myself to my version of a dinner Mom used to make when I was a kid: "fishies" with homemade tartar sauce, rosemary fries and a natural blackberry soda. Then I kicked back with some Dr. Who and Season 1 of True Blood.

Sunday was filled with more of the same.  It was really great because instead of getting overwhelmed with trying to get everything accomplished in one weekend, I took my time, still had a rest, and saw some progress.  I'm seeing how similar organizing my life and my apartment are...I can't expect either to come together all at once. I'm learning more every day.

XO

I'm In This for the Long Haul...

Persevering seems to be the lesson I need to learn right now.  Not only was it this past week's creative dreaming topic...but I found the above fortune on the floor on my way into the TV Guide kitchen.

Magic, mystery and synchronicity are also a hot topics. Yesterday I spent a WONDERFUL apprenticeship day talking about these very subjects. Some of life's best moments are spent scattered around a kitchen with amazing food and life changing conversation.

Another thing that struck a chord with me was, weirdly, watching an interview with Jonathan Rys Myers. He was talking about auditions and rejections.  He said you shouldn't take a rejection personally because it doesn't mean you're not talented, just that you're not right for that particular role.

It's sort of like when the one you fancy doesn't share your feelings. It simply means you're not the right person for them (and vice versa). Of course, it's easier to be rational when the heart isn't involved.

So I've been thinking about all the progress and "setbacks" that I've faced or am facing:

• This week I discovered that I can't establish dual citizenship with Canada via Great Parents...just parents.  But that doesn't mean I'll give up looking into it.  I was actually surprised by how okay I was upon finding all this out. Maybe I'm simply not supposed to reclaim that. It certainly doesn't mean I'll stop researching my family's history!
  
  
• I admit that I gave up on giving Reiki treatments.  I bought a folding massage table over a year ago and started to tentatively put the word out.  I had one client...so I gave up.  I'm not sure how to pick this up again but that table keeps staring at me...reminding me of the new story I'm trying to write for myself.
  
  
• I remember sitting in a laundromat with a book called, "Creative Cash" years ago. This was before "LionArt Creations" and "The Lion's Share."  I still haven't figured out how to morph the two into a source of income but it's taken on forms I never would have imagined back when my clothes were tumbling around in that Manhattan laundromat. Currently this blog is a source of joy, so I know I'm on the right track.
  
  
•  I'm also on a seemingly never-ending quest to find my way back to Scotland.  Currently I'm really into the idea of applying for School, although I'm not sure what or where I want to study yet. Edinburgh seems like the logical choice.  And I do love Edinburgh...

This could all change tomorrow...and if it does, that's the direction I should be facing.

XO

Spring Cleaning

My Apartment's Garden

I'm trying to do some spring cleaning and checking in.  It's slow going but I'm making some progress.  I spent some time, a week ago, cleaning my whole kitchen and watching videos I'd accumulated over the years at the office.  And when I say "videos" that's exactly what I mean...VHS!

I had decided to purge my video rack...but there were a few I really did want to see.  So, I watched a three part documentary about America in the 1940s and part of a movie that I really didn't feel like finishing.  And into the bin they all went.  I plan to work my way through the pile.

I also went through my shoes!  Even I'm amazed at that!

However, I still need to physically get rid of all of it.  It doesn't help much when you hold onto stuff that you've "decided" isn't needed anymore.  It still takes up space just the same.

All us Creative Dreamers were given a Spring Check-In Questionaire and I found that I was a bit muddled with the answering of it!  I have begun to get overwhelmed with my dreams and haven't been keeping track of them well enough to see all the progress I've been making...nor have I been rewarding myself for all the good work.


Spring Check-In

section one: where am i thriving? what seeds are sprouting beautifully?

• Creative ideas for The Lion's Share
• Paying down debt and putting more in savings

list: dreams for me to continue nurturing

• Paying down debt and increasing savings
• Bringing The Lion's Share to Scotland
• Getting out of the city

plan: what do these dreams need to continue to thrive and how will i give it to them?

• Keep budgeting and living within my means (gratitude for the money-energy...allow the flow)
• Researching holistic cooking classes
• Researching grants
• Keep up with posting here
• Get involved with creative pursuits

section two: where am i struggling?  which seeds aren’t coming up (yet)?

• My tolerance of New York is getting thinner all the time
• My patience gets challenged with the debt...I fail to acknowledge the progress and only see the numbers.  I need to celebrate the little victories.
• I still don't have an exercise regime and feel very out of shape and tired
• I've fallen out of practice with reiki
• I would like a clearer plan for my travel dreams

list: dreams to plant again

• Setting up a new photography website/gallery/storefront
• Giving reiki treatments 
• Yoga/exercise practice

plan: how am i going to plant them? what can i do to get these dreams moving and how will i do it?

• Sit down with the photos again
• Start practicing reiki on myself again
• Start doing the simple AM/PM yoga DVD again

section three: is there anything unwanted starting to sprout?

• Anger sprouts up a lot at the city and all it encompasses. I feel tense just walking out my front door...and at times the energy in the air makes me want to cry. That's certainly unwanted.
• Feeling overwhelmed at times.

list: areas where weeding is necessary

• I really need to get rid of a lot of stuff cluttering up my apartment so I can clean easier and have more space to think, breathe, exercise and have more time to relax.  More time to cook and blog.

plan: what will it take to remove these weeds?  how will i do it?

•  I'm going to start by getting rid of the clothes and box of videos I collected.  It's a start at least.

XO

Self Care in Difficult Times

 Dandelions Collected to Make Oil

Another Creative Dreaming assignment! To make a list of "Stuff to do When Things Suck."

I found myself thinking about all the things that bring me joy and realized that I have a hard time doing stuff when things suck...unless "stuff" means sitting on my couch wallowing and watching 80s Spy and Detective Shows on DVD.

I suppose that could be #1 :)  

So I think having an actual list to refer to, or just as a reminder of fun, is a great idea.

• Watch something silly or uplifting.
• Knit
• Make a delicious cappuccino 
• Enjoy a tea infusion
• Work in the kitchen and sing along to my iPod
• Organize dinner in or out with friends

Favorite After Work/Theatre Spot

• Make some medicine
• Cook 
• Sing
• Play my violin
• Read something inspiring
• Write
• Hot baths
• Reconnect with things I used to love to do

 I hadn't been to a Broadway show in a while...Loved it!

 My Addams Family Mug/Spoon

• Creative projects of any kind
• Talk with friends
• Photograph beautiful things
• Get outside and wander a bit in the park

 Forest Park

 I spread a blanket and read for a while

 Tree Lady

• Practice Gratitude
• Dance
• Have a *good* Cry 
• Listen to soul-soothing music

What's on your list?
XO

Sowing the Seeds of Abundance

I'm catching up with some Creative Dreaming assignments after posting all my Dublin blogs.  This particular one deals with money and abundance.  We were asked to plant seeds to represent our finances and tend to them and watch them grow.

I love this idea...not only because I'm doing an herbal apprenticeship and have a love for plants...but because it puts a creative spin on my money.  It's much more fulfilling than staying glued to my bank account online.  I do this too, but it feels draining whereas the plants gentle my heart.

I look at experiences as seeds too.  For instance, every trip I've taken has planted seeds inside my soul that have blossomed into the woman I am and becoming.

 ***

I bought this charming little craft kit with grass seeds and little monster to sew a few years back...this was the perfect opportunity to use it!

I had also bought some Heather seeds at an indoor market in Inverness back in 2008...so I couldn't resist planting them as well.

I'm sure no one's surprised :)

Can you see them!? They're tiny...but growing!

Germinating new plants is so exciting (so is paying down my debt and saving).  I feel like a kid, running over to the pots every day to see how my "babies" are doing...and how my abundance is growing.

XO