Scotch, Tea and Tiaras

Hard at work in the kitchen...

This seems to be the season of food at friend's houses.  The fall held the weekend at my cousin's, last weekend I had brunch at Kim's...and this past Sunday was pizza in town and then a combined effort at whisky-laced apple cake (we sort of veered off recipe).

The day started off with something new for me...a trip on New Jersey Transit. Mint tea in hand, I was off for a day of girl time with Sara and Heather.

One of the many things I loved about the day, was that it was completely unplanned and relaxed.  We decided to go into town for pizza instead of making lunch at the house, which was the original "plan." If we had followed that plan, though, I wouldn't have been introduced to french fry, chicken and hot sauce pizza or Greek salad pizza...what a tragedy that would have been!

 Delicious Insanity

Healthy, right???

I had brought two little cookbooks obtained while in Inverness a few years ago so we started to make "Apple Plate Cake" when we returned to the house. However, it quickly turned into our own boozy concoction of apples, whisky and cinnamon...mixed with a lot of laughter and a wee bit of gossip.

Cake before it went into the oven

While we waited for the cake to bake...we drank tea, whisky, wore crowns and watched Doctor Who at the Proms...you know, the usual. I also repeatedly disappointed Sara with all the movies I haven't seen.  No, I've never seen "The Godfather" or "ET."

My new snuggle buddy, Roxy

Sara donned the traditional Antlers for weekend gatherings

 And Heather introduced the ceremonial copper fish...

Cake!

Beautiful Roxy

It was a great day of relaxing and no schedules...which set the tone for the rest of my long weekend.

I very consciously watched TV for practically 2 days straight...instead of just zombie-ing out in front of the tube.  I think that, sometimes, there are great gifts to be had from TV.  Certain lines are spoken and felt deep.  They ring true with what I'm thinking or going through at the moment.  And that's a wonderful gift. It was also a great gift to not have any pressing business besides opening the door for my grocery delivery.

Should I admit that I've spent most of the weekend in my pjs, watching Bones, Community and Torchwood...while occasionally drinking red wine and eating peanut butter straight out of the jar? Why not? I also felt bizarre delight from placing my empty dinner plates on the floor and then curling up in my big orange chair to get back to the show.  I would have found this lazy and weird at one time...but this weekend I found it freeing.

It also kept me from posting this blog "on time." But I suppose it's all part of a long weekend. I took the words "days off" very seriously. 

XO

Feeling the Fear...and Doing it Anyway

A delicious treat at Kim's

I have spent the last week or so marveling at how everything has been manifesting.  I feel as if I've been swept up by this giant wave of beautiful forward motion and I can't even remember standing on the shore.

But along with that, has come some uncomfortable feelings because THINGS ARE HAPPENING.  And they are things I've been wishing and preparing for.

Oh. My. Goodness!

My life is starting to really head in the direction I've been reaching for and it's bringing up the "new job feelings." You know, when you start a new job and you feel all out of whack...not fully grounded because you don't feel all that confident and stable in your new responsibilities yet? That's where I am, partially.  The other part thinks it's pretty neat that magic is happening.

I've been hard at work on a new website and it has been a big learning curve.  I'm pretty happy with the way it's coming along and am hoping to launch it around Valentine's Day...awww.

I've also been trying to experiment with balancing out my quiet time at home i.e. turning off the TV so as not to numb myself down instead of doing healthy things like yoga or meditation. I, of course, still enjoy watching my favorite shows...that won't ever change.

Another thing I realized I needed this week was to up being social with friends, but on a small scale. So I spent this past weekend over at some friend's apartments! I had a wonderful St. Andrews dinner with Sara on Friday and then crashed at her place.  It was like an old-school slumber party.  We stayed up late watching stuff on youtube and then spent the morning watching Dr. Who and an Indiana Jones related documentary on The History Channel (while drinking tea and eating toast).

 A funny sight after lunch at the diner, with Sara

And yesterday I went to Kim's for lunch, cranberry wine, chat and...tango dancing!  Yes!  Kim and I tangoed in our socks all around her living room.  It was a glorious afternoon.

SO yummy

 Kim's Kitty was very frisky

That's what my dreams needed.  A little break and friends to feel nourished by.  All is well and I will keep pressing forward with all the wonderful changes.  Still feeling the fear...but doing it all anyway. And maybe I'll stop for brunch and a dance a little bit more often.

XO

Clouds and Rainbows

I was watching Master Class with Maya Angelou on Oprah's new network (OWN) last weekend and became inspired!  This woman is phenomenal indeed. I had my journal next to me throughout the entire program.

She said that she always says "yes" to doing good/interesting things...and then will do the background work required to get the work done...in other words, she takes opportunities and chances. She moves forward.

Inspiring!

I'm hoping that I can be a good example and practice what I preach here (Maya also said that you need to live what you teach to others...something I heartily agree with).

She also said something to the effect of, "we are all human, therefore nothing human is alien to us".

There is dark and light in all of us. We are capable of both so we shouldn't look down on others for their "failings." Including ourselves! It all comes down to choices. We can reach beyond what we think we are capable of.

***

It has come to my attention that I need to work a wee bit harder at creating and recognizing that there is sacred space wherever I am in the present. It might make my final time in New York a little easier. After all, I'll be taking me and that space with me wherever I go in the future.

So, I'm working hard at creating goodness where I am and looking forward to saying "yes" first when amazing opportunities come up in the future (and then figuring out "how"). I'm also trying not to be too hard on myself for going off track. I'm marvelously human...I can't help it sometimes.

Some wonderful quotes from Maya Angelou's Master Class:


"Prepare yourself to be a rainbow in someone's clouds..."


"Love liberates...it doesn't bind."


I love the idea of being a rainbow.

XO

P.S. I found a link to the show online!

http://www.tudou.com/programs/view/i9bwAfwuYyg/

New Year, New View

 Finished Chili

I am sitting here on a quiet Sunday afternoon with some turkey chili cooking away, music playing, laundry waiting to be sorted...and yes, a messy apartment. However, I don't feel as tied to the physical place as I once did. Yes, I have bills and rent etc. but that is just in the meantime.  I'm moving toward something new and better (for me).

I stayed in this weekend because I've been so busy and it's nice to not have to be anywhere for a change...but also because I don't want to go outside.  I don't want to immerse myself in the energy of this city when I don't have to. More and more signs that it's time to move on.

Fried plantains on the side

I remember feeling sort of out of control a year ago.  Not quite knowing where I could go, but knowing that I needed to get out of here and that was a scary place to be. The "hows" were overwhelming.  I still don't know "how" but I'm choosing to trust that as all the shackles keep falling away the path will be made clear.

I continue to learn about myself and how to be easier on me. For example, no New Year's resolutions.

New Years used to come around and I would feel depressed if nothing seemed to have changed from the previous year.  That probably had something to do with the fact that, in essence, I was standing still/spinning my wheels. I realize, now, that when I don't know which way to go...if I stand still a little while (and listen) eventually the winds will blow me in the right direction. It's the listening that makes all the difference...and embracing the changes.  Before I used to rail against them.

I actually submitted a little piece to The Fabulous Beekman Boy's blog about my take on New Year's resolutions. It didn't get picked up, but so many people seemed to think the same things I did!  And rather than be disappointed in not making their blog...well, hey, I have my own!!!

New Year’s resolutions...I’ve never found many pros in doing this. I used to frantically put my list together when a new year began.  I thought of it as a big do-over for my life but would inevitably fail and then feel badly about myself. 

In recent years I’ve found my path through healthy eating, cooking, herbal medicine and practicing radical self-love and acceptance. Resolutions simply feel negative and all self-judgey...which I can't stand!

Maybe some people do well with forcing rules on themselves for some structure but I’ve never gotten any results from being militant over anything. In fact, my willfulness comes out in full force when I do and I end up rebelling...and it feels sort of ridiculous to rebel against myself!  Maybe it’s the artist in me but I need to have freedom, fun, and an attitude of “YES” in order to thrive.

So I’ve resolved not to make resolutions anymore (unless they are to keep living a healthy, happy life). I’m not sure why we feel we have to always put limits on ourselves which can weigh us down. Through committing to constantly learn, be healthy, laugh, create beauty, and be true to my dreams and authentic self I am able to move forward instead of being stuck in the loop of the yearly do-over. It is so much more liberating than putting on those old shackles that the new year used to bring and certainly makes me happy.

XO

I think the biggest difference this year is the calmness surrounding the dreams.  That's new and interesting for me to experience. I have no doubt that there will be difficulties ahead, but at least I feel as if I'm on the right track. I'm taking baby steps towards change...starting with a new website/blog.  I picked a new template and that feels so good! Things are moving forward. :)

Be a Creative Dreamer!!!

I am delighted to be using this week's featured product segment to promote my wonderful creative coach Andrea! She is the amazing woman who runs the Creative Dreaming online workshop that I've been participating in.  2010 was fabulous and 2011 will be even more purposeful and exciting!

Andrea and I "met" on an online forum inspired by SARK years ago. It's been a delight seeing her grow as a person as well as a creative dreamer (and doer)!  She's very inspiring and grounding...sharing her journey as well as others'...and encouraging everyone to live their dreams.

She has been featuring an interview series on her blog about people who have stepped out of their day jobs and into their creative businesses...and now she has added herself to that list!  Congrats, Andrea!  I had the pleasure of asking her a few questions yesterday: 

What prompted you to go into this line of work?

My whole adult life, I have had a strong desire to earn my living with my creativity.  I explored and experimented with a lot of different paths to figure out how to do that.  My 20s were spent exploring my creative potential as an artist, and exploring my creative potential as a spiritual being, via creative visualisation, positive affirmations and healing work.  The more I explored, the more I found these two things are the same thing.  How I create a painting or a meal or a sweater is the same way that I create everything in my life.

So then I started studying spirituality more intently, taking classes and becoming accredited as a teacher/mentor/healer.  I started to create my own classes and workshops to teach and lead healing meditation circles.  I wasn't think of it as a job at that point, I was doing it because I loved it.  And mostly because I so loved the freedom of discovering that I can create anything I want in my life - that I wanted to share it with anyone and everyone who would listen. 

And so my workshops grew and grew and I started to realise that I would be more useful in the world, and I would enjoy my life a whole lot more, if I didn't have a job and could focus on this work all the time.  So I made my plan to do just that.

How has pursuing helping others helped you?

Helping others keeps me on track.  If I am going to tell you that you can live your dreams then I better be doing everything I can to live more or else I am a hypocrite - so it is really important to be to live what I teach. 

Helping others really is the fastest way to help yourself.  It is a spiritual law that we receive what we give.  The more I am helping others to make their dreams come true, the easier it becomes for me to make my dreams come true.

What did you do on your first day of self employment?

I stayed in my PJs all day, lol! Mostly, I did a lot of writing - blog posts for my blog, guest posts for other blogs, and preparations for my January coaching special.  I did some art - I have a few paper doll soul portrait commissions I am working on.  And I spent some time with a few new projects.  Also I spent a surprising (to me!) amount of time answering email.

I also started cleaning out my closets and moving some furniture around to make my home more appropriate as a full time work place.  And I kept giggling and smiling about how good it feels to be here.  Finally.

***

I have become an affiliate for some of her wonderful kits...and she has an amazing special offer happening right now:

"How will you fill your 2011 with dreams come true?

I like to create a new map to my dreams for each year.  This helps me to narrow in on what I really want and to develop a plan for how I am going to get there.  It helps me gather my strengths and gifts and build bridges that lead me over the obstacles in my way.

Create a Map that Leads to your Dream Come True is a creativity kit that helps you create a map to your dreams and tap into your amazing potential to make your dreams real through meditation, visioning, creativity, intuition and positive affirmations." --Andrea Schroeder, ABCcreativity


Special: Create A Map Kit with Coaching for $100

Click here to view more details

I did a creative coaching session with Andrea over the summer and came away totally refreshed and excited to move forward with my dreams!  I highly recommend it. 

***  

She also offers wonderful kits designed to help you along in your dream journey:

 click here for more info

 click here for more info

I really can't say enough good things about Andrea and ABCcreativity.  Her site offers a wide range of creative tools to aid us in our dreamy pursuits. She is a wonderful ally and support system...she simply sparkles!

XO

*All images used, with permission, from ABCcreativity.com

Happy Creative New Year!

Happy New Year, Everyone!

I wanted to put up the first blog of the new year, on the first day of the new year...and like 2010, it's another Creative Dreaming year! Woohoo!

I'm writing this in the midst of drinking some apple-peach wine, knitting and watching a Who Year's Marathon on BBC America.  :D

The first assignment of 2011 is to assess what seems possible right now.

A lot feels possible right now.  If I look at the list I made at the start of last year...well, there's certainly a lot I still haven't done...but to be fair there are 100 items on it.  I could spend the rest of my life working to attain them all.  And oh, what a life that will be!  :)

At this moment, the most possible thing seems to be moving out of New York City.  So many things have been attributing to this:  my noisy upstairs neighbor...the rising costs of living in this already expensive city...my increasing savings and decreasing debt (it's gotten to a very un-stifling level which has also resulted in me treating myself to various post holiday gifts!) and most of all...the fact that I am not a New Yorker.  I'm not sure I ever was one, but I'm certainly not one now.  I want a better life and one in which I'm thriving and loving what I do.  Not just making due.  I want to live, not simply exist.

So, in that spirit...I've started the New Year quietly at home in my own space rather than in the city or in someone else's house.  It was the first New Year's Eve that I've spent by myself in YEARS.  At first I was a bit depressed by this fact but after spending the whole of New Year's Eve Day with my Sister and her family, I had to get back to Queens...and that trip on the Subway is always a huge reminder of how much I don't want to live here anymore. It's not my city.

I'm entering into another hibernation phase before beginning my last year of apprenticeship, another amazing trip to Scotland (the 3rd on my own) and if I'm lucky, the final year of paying off credit card debt (my student loan is another matter all together).  During this time I hope to get my website in better working order and continue pursuing ways of making LionArt Creations and The Lion's Share a wonder-full source of income. Also, in February I'll be taking an open hearth cooking class at Mystic Seaport with my Mom!

I hope to keep developing all of my hearth-tending skills. It's when I'm happiest. Then I feel like my opportunities to move out of this city and on to where I'll feel more at home will open up.  Here's to tying up loose ends and living our creative dreams!

So happy New Year everyone!  I'm going to sign off and get back to  Doctor Who, wine, knitting and trying to ignore my upstairs neighbor, who seems to be repeatedly dropping loud objects on his supposedly carpeted floor.

XO

Surprise, Surprise...

 I "mastered" fair isle for my nephews' Christmas gifts... 

I am freshly back from Christmas in Connecticut...and surrounded by snow.

I am SO ready for the holidays to be over so I can get back to some semblance of a schedule (and I always use the word "schedule" very loosely). I want to get my blog back on schedule too...

This week's Creative Dreaming assignment was to make a list of all the things that have surprised and delighted me this year.  I'll admit, most of it surprised and delighted me.  It was like going on a treasure hunt every week, uncovering little bits of my heart and soul and putting them together in the puzzle that is my life.

~I have been repeatedly surprised by how much I enjoy "tending my hearth."  Back when I was deciding what I wanted to major in in college, I was convinced I wanted to work in a corporate office...live in New York City...

Now...I suppose I've done that...and want to create a home and live somewhere beautiful that fills me with peace and joy (preferably without a loud upstairs neighbor).

~I have been surprised and delighted with my increasing ability to cook without recipes...something I never thought I'd do...

~My desire to basically make everything from scratch...including facial moisturizers, cold creams, tooth-paste, etc.

~How material things have become less and less important.

~I'm always delighted by how much love and support is out there for me and my dreams.

~My increased talent in the knitting department.

~The fact that I've been able to crawl out from under my debt and am beginning to see the sun again.

~The increased ease with which I carry myself...dress...

~I'm so surprised (and delighted) that I love beer and scotch.

~The ease with which I've made connections and friends in my beloved Scotland...and I can't wait to meet a few in person this Spring!

~My increasing adventurousness. I made myself a promise when I was last on Iona...that I'll never let fear keep me from doing something I truly want to do.

~How my instincts steer me in the right direction when I relax and follow.

~The happiness I felt at the thought of actually moving...when it felt possible.

XO

P.S. Here are more photos of the (finished) wallets I made for my nephews this Christmas.  They were a big hit!  I was so delighted that these very plugged in boys were so appreciative of simple, hand-made gifts.

 "L" for Leo

"M" for Max

Outside Zipper

 Inside lining

Growing Pains

I'm trying to write this in the midst of last minute holiday gift-making-craziness.  Yes, I've somehow gotten myself into the seemingly impossible situation of making most of my gifts...and I've decided to do this during a season where I've had very few free weekends...and that's when I get stuff done!

The upside to all this though, has been a lot of quality time with my family and though stressful at times it's been very Christmas-y since Thanksgiving!

But right now I'm enjoying a last minute "day off" before the holiday and thought I'd finish this baby up before getting back to my knitting and soap-making!

My most recent Creative Dreaming assignment was to reflect on what has grown since this journey has began...so here is my list:

• My hair :)
  
• My knowledge
  
• My blog and creative company
  
• The ease within myself and my body (i.e. I'll go out without makeup etc.  Although my skin is much better now that I'm on an herbal regime)
  
• My self confidence
  
• My impatience with living in New York
  
• The desire to leave New York, and the calmness surrounding that decision
  
• My friendships
  
• The happiness that wells up within me when I think about leaving
  
• The options of where to live seem to have grown now that the fear is lifting
  
• Freedom from debt
  
• Possibilities
  
• My friends over in Scotland
  
• My love for Scotland
  
• At times, my impatience to find a way out...
  
• My blog and it's voice.
  
• The belief that I'm meant to do important things...and that I am on the cusp of a new chapter. (Lately I've been feeling as if I'm about to be shot out of a cannon at any moment).
  
• My desire to unplug has grown, but is at odds with my want to work from home and create an expanded blog and website to go along with whatever The Lion's Share and LionArt Creations turns into...it will take some creative balancing.

It's interesting to see that the biggest thing that's grown is my certainty that things are shifting and moving in a new direction...and that direction is out of New York City.

And now I have to get back to "work!"

Merry Christmas!

XO

It's the Same Old Me...

Yes, that's me! The one on the right...

I've had a Harry Potter movie quote sloshing around in my head for over a week:

"It is not how you are alike. It is how you are different that matters."

I was actually thinking about this in terms of being too much like someone I can't stand...but what if I turn it back on myself?  In my apprenticeship, a few of us were discussing how we were afraid we might be slipping back into some old habits that we didn't want.

But what if those are simply qualities that we will always embody and should learn to love and or tweak into something better?  Because in all fairness, I don't think I can ever get rid of some of my traits but I am certainly more aware of them now. I can reign them in when I need to or at least acknowledge them when the time is right. Maybe they aren't as negative as I deem them to be? Maybe being "the same" is okay.

***

Last week I wrote about what came easy for my Creative Dreaming workshop...and this week I'm going to look at what has stayed the same throughout all my changes so far.

One thing I've begun to notice is that as I have been changing, and realizing I'm different...the way some people in my life treat me has remained the same, which is difficult and smothering at times and very uncomfortable.  It can make me feel un-seen...

In my Senior yearbook, I put down "unnecessary  noise" as one of my pet peeves...and that certainly hasn't changed...in fact, lately it's been coming back full force here in the city. (Noise, noise everywhere...and not a chance to think...)

But those are negatives...though negatives that might help me find my way.

Some positive things that have stayed with me through the years and my changes?

I still love Paul McCartney and The Beatles.  That will always be part of the fabric that makes up my life.

I will always love Indiana Jones, Star Wars, Pride and Prejudice, Dr. Quinn, Sense and Sensibility, Anne of Green Gables, True Blood and now...Dr. Who!  Not necessarily in that order.

I also admit that I will always love The Outlander Saga, Jane Austen, The Sookie Stackhouse novels, Twilight, and assorted romance novels...I'm a girl, after all.

Through all the difficult stuff, I've always managed to hang onto my sense of humor and hope...even when I don't feel too hopeful, it always seems to seep back into things sooner or later.

I will always love Broadway musicals and be a huge Terrence Mann fan!!! I think Broadway was the biggest reason I moved to New York in the first place...

Laughter is one of the best things on Earth

I will always be a Dog person :)

Since I stepped off that bus in Edinburgh in 2004, my love for Scotland hasn't changed...but gotten deeper.

I have remained a creative being.  Whether I'm cooking, knitting, decoupaging, singing, photographing or writing...

I will always know how to play the violin and will always keep Myrtle in the family.

I have always been loyal (possibly to my detriment at times) and continue to be so...but now I have boundaries and know that there are times when I have to remove myself from some people's lives.  So I'm loyal to myself first.

I have always had the (sometimes annoying) knack of seeing situations from both sides. This can get very difficult because  at times it causes me to feel as if I don't have the right to voice my anger or concerns...like in the case of my noisy upstairs neighbor (I flew off the handle and tapped on the ceiling a couple times and then felt like an idiot because he's just walking around in his apartment!) It certainly does reinforce that the collective noise in this city is killing me and I can't wait to leave.  So yay for that!

I used to love attention as a kid...putting on shows in the living room, and then I got very shy due to some mean kids at school...and now I've sort of come back around.  I'll admit, I like being paid attention to (but not in a creepy way).  However, I'm a bit quieter about it now.  No more tutus and singing...although part of me would love to be in some sort of musical group again (maybe a show choir a la Glee???)  :D


I suppose to sum it all up...I'm still me, just less afraid to show it.

XO

Easy Does It

Eilean Donan Castle, 2004

Last week's Creative Dreaming assignment was to look at our journey so far and see what came easy.

We always hear about artist's suffering for their work and passions...no pain, no gain, right?

This doesn't always have to be true.

When I started on this journey I remember asking that the process be joyful because I couldn't handle the changes coming in a cataclysmic, traumatic way.  I've had enough trauma over the years and I'm sure I'll have more in my life...so PLEASE let the course to my dreams be exciting and happy.

Has it been so far?  I'd say, mostly yes.  There has also been a lot of hard work and some unhappiness along the way.  I've begun to feel grateful for the unhappiness though, because I've started to realize that it's another tool to help me leverage my way into the dream.

So, back to what came easy.

Nothing that came easy came without work...let me say that right up front.  All the work that I've been doing on myself...the love I'm cultivating for my passion, for Scotland.  That has all been (joyous) work...but when I've stepped back and rested between the work, wonderful things have come to me.

*Writing this blog is (wonderful) work and it has yielded new friends in Edinburgh, a place to stay the next time I'm in town, and direction for my dreams...just by writing about my passions and thoughts. It even brought me the opportunity to profess my love to Edinburgh...

*Someone suggested I try a Reiki treatment 4 years ago, and I quickly found a place around the corner from my apartment.  That led me to research other alternative therapies and to eventually be attuned to give treatments myself. I discovered that there was a whole other world out there for me...

*My herbal path was laid out in front of me when I got an e-mail for a course called "The Art of Herbal Medicine Making," and a little voice inside me prodded me to take it...which led to "Herbal Alternatives to Antibiotics," which led to a workshop and weed walks...and now two years into a wonderful apprenticeship...

*The herbal medicine led me to cook more...

*Having leftover yarn prompted me to pick up the needles again...

*A gift of the Outlander books led me to want to check out Scotland because it sounded pretty...

*A fun, crazy, road trip around the UK in 2004...turned into something deeper than I could have ever planned...

*My love for Scotland, and a little voice telling me I needed to be there for my 30th birthday, led me to a retreat week in Forres where I had the idea for this blog...

*A magazine my Mother left on my bed led me to Iona and the "Matter Matters" week a year later...

*An e-mail newsletter about "Pilgrimage for Change" is leading me back...


Other things have been coming to me as well...possible and actual extra income, help with my website, new ideas for my dream business, new friends, opportunities, and so much support from the dearest people! The unsolicited outpouring of love never fails to touch and surprise me. I appreciate it more than I could ever express...and accepting it gets easier every day.

XO

Looking Back and Facing Fears

 My heather plant now!

The Creative Dreaming year is fast approaching its end...although it certainly won't stop on December 31st...nor should it!  Life is an ever evolving creative dream, after all.

I started re-reading my blogs from the beginning of the year and wow,  how far I've come!

I started 2010 with "Cookies and New Beginnings" and then went right into "Creative Dreaming."

The biggest realization I've taken away from reading all of my old posts is that this past year I've been establishing a new root system. Now, I feel like I'm getting ready to hibernate a little after all the hard work and then the next step is to break through the Earth and follow the Sun.

There is still a little more than a month to go with the dreaming and a lot can happen in one month!

Pushing through that last bit of earth can prove tiring at times...and it can make you question and wonder and ponder changing your mind. I don't want to derail any of the progress...I need to give the Universe time to put all the pieces together and not change the game at the last minute. That's a sure fire way to never manifest! Paying down my debt and increasing my savings account have played a big role in establishing a new foundation.  As those numbers change, I feel lighter and less tied down.

I saw a distinct shift after my Ireland blogs...I feel like my sense of purpose gets stronger all the time and things keep getting clearer and clearer.

The clearest thing has become my desire to move out of New York. This is also scary...but a fear I'm getting more and more sure of facing. And it gets less scary every day.

I've faced a lot of fears over this past year and they certainly have made me stronger.

• I've spoken my mind and expressed my needs
  
  
• Created boundaries
  
  
•  Spoken with people who intimidate me for one reason or another...
  
  
•  Allowed myself to imagine life differently after being entrenched here for so long
  
  
•  I've been spontaneous (Dublin)

• I've shared my thoughts/dreams and opinions

• I've started to re-imagine my website (which means I will be moving my blog eventually)
  
  
• I've volunteered to write for publications
  
  
• I've searched out and applied for freelance writing...but opted out because it didn't feed my soul.
  
  
• I've stripped away very deeply rooted, but harmful relationships and forged new, healthy ones.

I'm sure there have been other little things that I can't remember...but they all come together to give me more confidence for going after my dreams.  Most of the time it's me asking people I don't know well for advice, help...or offering mine.  That's pretty damn good for someone who used to be too shy to talk.

XO

Dress for Success

Wisdom found on a tea bag

"Dressing for success" has taken on new meaning for me.  I used to think of button down shirts and power ties...now, thanks to another wonderful Creative Dreaming assignment, I think of it as something much deeper. It's a way to move more fully into our dreams.

I remember wanting to buy "New York" clothes when I moved here, thinking my wardrobe was too "Connecticut."  Whatever that means.  It seems like style changes tend to accompany big life shifts, don't they?

For the past two weeks us creative dreamers have been charged with dressing up as our dream.  Inspired by Halloween, our creative dream leader, Andrea, asked us to dress up as our dream.

This couldn't have come at a better time because I have been re-assessing a lot of things lately...and my appearance is one of them (like growing my hair long again after years of it being short). 

Over the Summer I tried to girl it up a bit more after a long period of just letting things go (I used to NEVER dress down...but that was years ago).  In the Summer it can be easy with all the cute dresses!  Although I could have done without the heat, thank you :)

Now that it's Fall (YAY!) I have more of a challenge...and what did I find out when I really started looking in my closet? 

I don't like most of my clothes. 

They just don't feel like me anymore.  I thought that I would go through my wardrobe and appropriate things for who I am now, but it doesn't work for most of the old things...some of which I bought on impulse and never wore...or bought out of some need to fill up space.

During an outdoor meditation while apprenticing, I came to the realization that I want my wardrobe to reflect who I am now and who I was when. I want it to be warm, Earthy and full of fabrics that reflect my life and the things I love...wool, knits, wood (like my violin and the trees) , satin (like ballet slippers)...I want to dress sort of "urban/country" whatever that means :D

So...I did a wee bit of shopping.  Bought a new skirt, tossed two old ones...bought two new shirts...etc.

I'm also knitting a cabled cardigan with some fluffy, Earthy brown yarn...and hopefully some yummy boot socks in green and maroon later on...I'd even love to get new glasses (lighter colored frames) but I want to pay down my debt more ;)

I want to take the time every day to use my clothes creatively. It's a struggle some mornings but as long as I'm comfortable when I leave the house, I'm happy.

The week I started this exercise was sort of rainy.  One day, as I was leaving work, I caught my reflection in the elevator door and smiled.  I was wearing a rain jacket with red tartan scarf, cargo pants tucked into my rain boots, hair pulled back. Pretty much the way I dress when I'm in Scotland.  I was dressed up as my dream!  LOL

XO

A Lion's Share Knitting Circle!

Yarn, What's Not to Love?

On October 23rd I held my first Lion's Share gathering...and we started with knitting!

My Mother taught me how to knit when I was 12, or so, and I didn't stick with it very long.  I have always been an art and crafty gal, but knitting required a level of calmness and patience I just didn't have then.  Although, I have always had more patience while creating art of any sort.  It was always a source of amazement to my parents given my short fuse :) And to me, actually! I still have the first project I ever started (an unfinished gray scarf). Maybe one day...

A few years ago I decided to pick up the needles again, and asked my Mom to re-teach me how to knit.  I never looked back.

Knitting has been the source of so much more than sweaters and scarves to keep me warm.  I've gained friends (we had a knitting group at work for a while and it really bonded us), serenity, a sense of accomplishment, a creative outlet and confidence. I recently realized that it started to give me a "yes I can do that" sort of outlook.  I used to read a pattern and say, "I can't do that..." and then I would tackle it and learn and come out with a beautiful piece of clothing.  So pretty soon I started hearing "I can't" in my head and quickly replied, "What makes you think that? Of course you can...you've proven that over and over again...so get on with it!"

And I've gone on to apply that mentality to other things in my life. They just get bigger and bigger (but not always as warm i. e. "Taking the Plunge" in Scotland).  It's very liberating.  So start small but aim big, right?  :)


Now, back to the party...

On the eve of the circle...my good friend, Sara, came over to help prepare...We tried out a burger place called "Flipside." They stuff the burgers with cheese!!!

Hard at work...

And she brought along a guest...Johnnie Walker Black...who we then introduced to another friend, Glenfiddich...

More work...

And I finally introduced her to my boyfriend, (David Tennant's) Dr. Who...

A very welcome dinner guest ;)

Then I got to work in the kitchen making the dough for parmesan shortbread. (I got the recipe from "Sue  Lawrence's SCOTTISH Kitchen.")

Parmesan Shortbread

All the while I left Sara in front of the television with Dr. Who cutting up vegetables and seeding pomegranates.

 Out! Damn Spot!!!

 Pomegranate Seeds!

Barley with butternut squash, pesto, walnuts, onions and mushrooms

Carrots and yams with caramelized onions, herbs de provence and balsamic vinegar

Mixed greens with apples, walnuts and cheddar cheese

A delicious Fall lunch!

Sassafras Leaves

I also served a wonderful Sassafras and Mullein tea infusion, pumpkin dip with organic graham crackers and ginger snaps along with hot, spiced apple cider...which we married with a little bit of whisky ;)

And yes, there was actual knitting...here are some projects I've (finally) finished!

 A stripey (Summer) Hat

 Felted Slippers

 The beginnings of a cabled cardi

It was a wonderful afternoon full of yarn, food, laughter and food!  If anyone is interested in participating or hosting a circle, please get in touch!

Maybe I'll see you next time!

XO

P.S. Thank you to all who attended and a HUGE thank you to Sara for all that chopping!