Monday, January 10, 2011

New Year, New View

 Finished Chili

I am sitting here on a quiet Sunday afternoon with some turkey chili cooking away, music playing, laundry waiting to be sorted...and yes, a messy apartment. However, I don't feel as tied to the physical place as I once did. Yes, I have bills and rent etc. but that is just in the meantime.  I'm moving toward something new and better (for me).

I stayed in this weekend because I've been so busy and it's nice to not have to be anywhere for a change...but also because I don't want to go outside.  I don't want to immerse myself in the energy of this city when I don't have to. More and more signs that it's time to move on.

Fried plantains on the side

I remember feeling sort of out of control a year ago.  Not quite knowing where I could go, but knowing that I needed to get out of here and that was a scary place to be. The "hows" were overwhelming.  I still don't know "how" but I'm choosing to trust that as all the shackles keep falling away the path will be made clear.

I continue to learn about myself and how to be easier on me. For example, no New Year's resolutions.

New Years used to come around and I would feel depressed if nothing seemed to have changed from the previous year.  That probably had something to do with the fact that, in essence, I was standing still/spinning my wheels. I realize, now, that when I don't know which way to go...if I stand still a little while (and listen) eventually the winds will blow me in the right direction. It's the listening that makes all the difference...and embracing the changes.  Before I used to rail against them.

I actually submitted a little piece to The Fabulous Beekman Boy's blog about my take on New Year's resolutions. It didn't get picked up, but so many people seemed to think the same things I did!  And rather than be disappointed in not making their blog...well, hey, I have my own!!!

New Year’s resolutions...I’ve never found many pros in doing this. I used to frantically put my list together when a new year began.  I thought of it as a big do-over for my life but would inevitably fail and then feel badly about myself. 

In recent years I’ve found my path through healthy eating, cooking, herbal medicine and practicing radical self-love and acceptance. Resolutions simply feel negative and all self-judgey...which I can't stand!

Maybe some people do well with forcing rules on themselves for some structure but I’ve never gotten any results from being militant over anything. In fact, my willfulness comes out in full force when I do and I end up rebelling...and it feels sort of ridiculous to rebel against myself!  Maybe it’s the artist in me but I need to have freedom, fun, and an attitude of “YES” in order to thrive.

So I’ve resolved not to make resolutions anymore (unless they are to keep living a healthy, happy life). I’m not sure why we feel we have to always put limits on ourselves which can weigh us down. Through committing to constantly learn, be healthy, laugh, create beauty, and be true to my dreams and authentic self I am able to move forward instead of being stuck in the loop of the yearly do-over. It is so much more liberating than putting on those old shackles that the new year used to bring and certainly makes me happy.


I think the biggest difference this year is the calmness surrounding the dreams.  That's new and interesting for me to experience. I have no doubt that there will be difficulties ahead, but at least I feel as if I'm on the right track. I'm taking baby steps towards change...starting with a new website/blog.  I picked a new template and that feels so good! Things are moving forward. :)

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