Monday, December 13, 2010

It's the Same Old Me...

Yes, that's me! The one on the right...

I've had a Harry Potter movie quote sloshing around in my head for over a week:

"It is not how you are alike. It is how you are different that matters."

I was actually thinking about this in terms of being too much like someone I can't stand...but what if I turn it back on myself?  In my apprenticeship, a few of us were discussing how we were afraid we might be slipping back into some old habits that we didn't want.

But what if those are simply qualities that we will always embody and should learn to love and or tweak into something better?  Because in all fairness, I don't think I can ever get rid of some of my traits but I am certainly more aware of them now. I can reign them in when I need to or at least acknowledge them when the time is right. Maybe they aren't as negative as I deem them to be? Maybe being "the same" is okay.


Last week I wrote about what came easy for my Creative Dreaming workshop...and this week I'm going to look at what has stayed the same throughout all my changes so far.

One thing I've begun to notice is that as I have been changing, and realizing I'm different...the way some people in my life treat me has remained the same, which is difficult and smothering at times and very uncomfortable.  It can make me feel un-seen...

In my Senior yearbook, I put down "unnecessary  noise" as one of my pet peeves...and that certainly hasn't fact, lately it's been coming back full force here in the city. (Noise, noise everywhere...and not a chance to think...)

But those are negatives...though negatives that might help me find my way.

Some positive things that have stayed with me through the years and my changes?

I still love Paul McCartney and The Beatles.  That will always be part of the fabric that makes up my life.

I will always love Indiana Jones, Star Wars, Pride and Prejudice, Dr. Quinn, Sense and Sensibility, Anne of Green Gables, True Blood and now...Dr. Who!  Not necessarily in that order.

I also admit that I will always love The Outlander Saga, Jane Austen, The Sookie Stackhouse novels, Twilight, and assorted romance novels...I'm a girl, after all.

Through all the difficult stuff, I've always managed to hang onto my sense of humor and hope...even when I don't feel too hopeful, it always seems to seep back into things sooner or later.

I will always love Broadway musicals and be a huge Terrence Mann fan!!! I think Broadway was the biggest reason I moved to New York in the first place...

Laughter is one of the best things on Earth

I will always be a Dog person :)

Since I stepped off that bus in Edinburgh in 2004, my love for Scotland hasn't changed...but gotten deeper.

I have remained a creative being.  Whether I'm cooking, knitting, decoupaging, singing, photographing or writing...

I will always know how to play the violin and will always keep Myrtle in the family.

I have always been loyal (possibly to my detriment at times) and continue to be so...but now I have boundaries and know that there are times when I have to remove myself from some people's lives.  So I'm loyal to myself first.

I have always had the (sometimes annoying) knack of seeing situations from both sides. This can get very difficult because  at times it causes me to feel as if I don't have the right to voice my anger or in the case of my noisy upstairs neighbor (I flew off the handle and tapped on the ceiling a couple times and then felt like an idiot because he's just walking around in his apartment!) It certainly does reinforce that the collective noise in this city is killing me and I can't wait to leave.  So yay for that!

I used to love attention as a kid...putting on shows in the living room, and then I got very shy due to some mean kids at school...and now I've sort of come back around.  I'll admit, I like being paid attention to (but not in a creepy way).  However, I'm a bit quieter about it now.  No more tutus and singing...although part of me would love to be in some sort of musical group again (maybe a show choir a la Glee???)  :D

I suppose to sum it all up...I'm still me, just less afraid to show it.


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